My husband is choosing marijuana over our marriage.

My husband is choosing marijuana over our marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for seven years and I am tired of having the same fight every day. He smokes marijuana, and I hate it. It has been a constant battle for years. We tried therapy, which he helped for a while, but he goes back to smoking behind my back. We tried to come to a compromise that he would smoke only after a certain time of day, but it still leads to fights.

He shuts me down when he gets high and says I don’t care about his happiness because it’s something he likes, that I’m taking it away from him. I love him very much, but I hate drugs and I don’t like who he becomes when he smokes.

I want to have a baby, but I feel uncomfortable with drugs in the house. I feel like I can’t trust him to be alone with a baby when he’s high. I don’t want to leave it, but I can’t take it anymore. Having the same fight every day is exhausting and has had a very negative impact on our marriage. I want him to choose me over this, but if I give him an ultimatum, he’ll hate me. What should I do? — ANTI-DRUG IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANTI-DRUG: Give that ultimatum to your husband and pack your bags. If you prefer that the father of your child not have a marijuana habit and you can’t stop doing it, then, as much as you love him, this person is not the one for you. I am sorry.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years, often taking the advice you give others and applying it to my circumstances. I have developed a mutual bond with a woman who is 30-28 years younger than me. She is a waitress at a restaurant that I frequent. I’ve watched her children grow up over the last six or seven years. We have had many meaningful conversations and shared our ups and downs. She is naturally friendly.

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Three or four years ago, he started sharing casual hugs when I arrived. I never ask for them. Over the past year, these hugs have become more intimate, not in a sexual way, just a deeper bond of friendship. We occasionally IM her when she’s away from work, but I don’t see her socially.

Lately, she’s been teasing that she’s going to be my next ex. I reciprocate the flirting and teasing. I think there is a mutual attraction. If it wasn’t for the age difference, which I agree with, or the fear of causing problems with our friendship, I’d ask her out. Social taboos weigh heavily on my mind and I am pragmatic. Should she or shouldn’t she? Or am I reading too much into our friendship? — UNSAFE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NOT SURE: Not having witnessed the chemistry between the two of you, I couldn’t tell. However, nothing was ventured, nothing was gained. Next time you see her, after one of those “closer” hugs, jokingly tell her you’ve been thinking about her, comment that she’s your next ex, and ask if she’d like to have dinner with you sometime. Her answer will tell you if you have been reading too much about friendship.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, aka Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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About the Author: Pierre Cohen

A person who has expertise in politics and writes articles to fill his spare time as a hobby.